She Takes the Colours, I Become Black
When I roam through samsara, I walk as Bhairava. I move through the endless play of existence, allowing myself to encounter all that Prakriti places before me. Joy and sorrow, gain and loss, praise and insult, beauty and decay, I let them all pass through my awareness. I do not cling to what is pleasant, nor do I resist what is unpleasant. With vairagya as my companion, I absorb every colour of life without becoming coloured by it. I keep walking, witnessing, experiencing, and collecting the countless impressions that arise within the great theatre of creation.
The world is a marketplace of experiences. Every conversation, every relationship, every victory, every disappointment, every desire and every fear carries a particular fragrance. As Bhairava, I do not run away from these experiences, nor do I become their prisoner. I walk among them as a traveller walks through different lands, observing everything and claiming ownership over nothing. Life reveals its many faces and I accept each one as a lesson given by Maa herself.
The path of Bhairava is not the path of rejection. It is the path of complete acceptance without attachment. The pleasant and the unpleasant are both offerings from Prakriti. The sweet fruit and the bitter medicine come from the same Mother. Therefore, I neither celebrate one nor curse the other. I simply receive. I allow the river of existence to flow through me while remaining established in witness consciousness.
But when I sit upon my asana before Maa, the wanderer comes to rest. The moment I take my seat at her feet, my asana becomes Kashi, for the Bhairava within me has ceased his wandering and returned to his source. The noise of the world falls silent. The countless identities that I carry throughout the day begin to dissolve. The seeker, the worker, the friend, the enemy, the victor and the defeated all fade away. Only the child of Maa remains.
There, in her presence, I offer everything I have gathered from the journey. Every emotion, every experience, every attachment, every memory, every fragment of the world that I have carried within myself is surrendered to her. Nothing is held back. I place before her my strengths and weaknesses, my wisdom and ignorance, my pride and my humility. The burden of carrying myself is handed over to the Mother who has always carried me.
As I empty myself into Maa, a sacred exchange takes place. She is Bhogavati, the one who receives and enjoys the fullness of existence. All colours flow into her. All emotions return to her. All situations and experiences become her adornments. The anger I witnessed, the love I received, the pain I endured, the happiness I celebrated, all of it becomes an offering at her feet. Nothing is wasted. Everything finds its place in her infinite being.
As she absorbs all colours, I begin to lose mine. Layer after layer falls away. Opinions dissolve. Preferences dissolve. Attachments dissolve. The countless marks left upon me by the world begin to disappear. I become black like the womb of creation itself. Not black because of absence, but black because all distinctions have vanished. Like the night sky that contains every star, I become a space vast enough to hold everything while claiming nothing.
She becomes radiant with the richness of creation while I become stillness itself. She shines with the colours of every emotion and every experience while I remain silent and unmoving. She dances as Shakti through the worlds while I rest as the witness. She becomes life in all its movement while I become stone at her feet. Not a dead stone, but a living stone, steady, grounded and untouched by the storms of existence.
This is the mystery of my worship. The world believes that the devotee comes to Maa seeking something. I come to Maa to give everything away. I come to become empty. I come to become nobody. The more I surrender, the lighter I become. The more I offer, the less remains of the one who offers.
In that emptiness there is freedom. In that darkness there is light. In that stillness there is life. The Bhairava who wandered through samsara disappears into the feet of the Mother, and what remains is only her. She becomes the colour, the emotion, the experience and the dance. I become the silent void upon which her entire creation is painted.
She becomes everything, and I become nothing.
Yet in becoming nothing, I discover that I have become one with Her.
Through Me, as She wills.
_Shri Gurubhyo Namah_
_Jai Khyapa Parampara_
_Jai Bhairav Baba_
_Jai Maa Adya MahaKali_
-BhairavaShishya Sujay
- By Sujay Shisya of Gurudev Shri Praveen Radhakrishnan