I used to hate my body before I read about Kaali

I used to hate my body before I read about Kaali

Yes. I hated my body. I used to say god laid a mark on me called face. Everytime I sat in a room I made sure the table was above my belly so that nobody could see it. Everytime I combed my hair I used to recall from which direction I started to comb it and I don’t find anything there but a Smashaan

I always bought a shirt that was bigger than my size just to tell the people around me that I was hiding my belly. But in reality, I was not hiding my belly, I was hiding my man breasts, even though it was visible whatever I wore. With social & entertainment media telling it that it’s termed ‘not cool’, I got concerned more over it and hated my body even more.

So much so that I went to the doctor to allow him to introduce a term called Gynacomastia and all I could understand was that its ’Grade 2’. I had to get it operated for me to look normal.

But what was being normal?

Is it normal to chop of a part that was given to me ? Is it normal to change my appearance to look beautiful ? Is looking beautiful being normal ?

If having a flat manly chest is normal, then why did I desire woman with enlarged breasts ?

I then remembered someone seeing someone with more enlarged breasts as a kid. Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. The only thing about him that stood out to me more than his name before I even knew him, was his breasts. And then I saw Bhaama Kyaapa, another man who gave a damn about showing his breasts.

All I knew is that they they were an embodiment of Devi and made sure if they bled, it was for her. Then I read that name ‘KA KAARA VARNA SARVANGI’ from the Adya Kali Sahasranaamavali which means that everything that starts with the letter ‘Ka’ is her embodiment

-Kaushik Karra